William Ury's TED talk focused on changing mindsets by finding a third side or the 18th camel. He said we must change the frame from hostility to hospitality. Although it is easier said than done, he insisted it is possible and I must agree.
Recently, I witnessed a conflict between two subordinates. We moved Airman Tavera to dayshift after being on swings for several months. While dayshift works a lot, there are random tasks to be performed and a different mindset. Within 2 days of being on days, he had a handful of negative interaction with Airman Lukes. Tavera is a very positive individual who works at his own pace but
gets the job done whereas Lukes has a pessimistic point of view most of the time and often finds ways to get out of work. Tavera complained several times to supervisors about Lukes attitude and work ethic however none of the supervisors did much. The last straw came when Lukes called Tavera lazy and other names. Tavera finally came to seek my advice. While I told him I hoped they could resolve the situation on their own, I agreed to speak with them together. I called Lukes into my office with Tavera and let them each speak their minds and discuss their issues. I played the role of the mediator, finally getting both Airmen to hear each other. It was a successful resolution where both parties can now work side by side as they are able to understand each other more. 
While this conflict was resolved, other times have not been as effective. For example, I had a disagreement with a previous subordinate, Tommy. The two of us did not have the same work ethic or ideas of accountability. We were able to work together for several months before he became insubordinate and disrespectful. As an emotional person, I was not able to clearly see the situation and was not able to resolve the conflict between us. Eventually, I had him moved to a different section due to our differences and his attitude towards me. Knowing what I know now, I would have started the relationship with being more forthright and upfront with my expectations. Furthermore, I could have brought in a third party to mediate our differences. We also had disagreements on Tommy's responsibilities that we could've negotiated or discussed more in depth. However, I didn't do that and regret the things I said and did. 
The walk from no to yes - William Ury (2010)
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