Emotional Intelligence is a range of abilities which include self-awareness, emotional self-management, empathy, and social skills. Each of the four dimensions apply to all of us in some form or fashion.
Self-Awareness -
Self-awareness is something that I think everyone possesses. However, I believe
that we overestimate our ability to self-analyze our impact and positions on
many different things, especially when our emotions are impacted. Being self-aware of my own emotional state helps
me talk with others and resonate with them effectively. I firmly believe it is
vital to control of one's emotions prior to interacting and building bonds with
others. Being self-aware also limits the amount of volatility with emotions and
relationships. This, in turn, makes it easier to engage and correct any
dissonance with a team.
A few books, specifically 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in my Head by Dan Harris, started my journey of self-awareness. Meditation and mindfulness allow me to have thoughts without judgement and reactive emotions. Furthermore, remaining in the present allows me not to focus on the past or future. It lets me live in the moment and enjoy the present. Meditation and mindfulness have also helped in times of stress realize that the situation may not be as extreme as it might appear. It lets me to remain self-aware and regulate and control my emotions, thus building my emotional intelligence.
Self-Management -
Whetten & Cameron describe emotional intelligence as "the ability to
diagnose, understand, and manage emotional cues"(p.49) I've always been an
emotional person and can easily able to recognize my emotions. Perhaps it's
because I'm a woman, a mother or Italian but controlling my emotions seems to
be a bit more difficult for me. As I've aged, though, I've noticed I can
regulate my emotions, depending on the situation and environment. I believe
that if I can control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage my emotions in
healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to
changing circumstances, it will only make me a better leader. I would also
say that I am very good at recognizing others' emotions and empathize with
them. Moreover, since beginning this program, I've learned to think critically
about my emotions and responses to people and situations.
Social Awareness - One dimension I have improved in yet still
have tons of room for improvement is social awareness. I have some trouble
assessing certain situations and how to approach those situations. While I may
not understand how to approach other situations, I freeze up and shut myself
down. Most people do not know how to handle that, so it essentially leads to me
being misunderstood. However, there is one aspect of social awareness I am
great at. This aspect is empathy. I have an uncanny ability to put myself in
someone else’s shoes and tell them exactly what they need to hear. In a way I
can inspire them all thanks to my empathy.
Social Skills - The fourth element, social skill, is the ability to
put the three previously discussed together and learn how to be a team player
in handling relationships competently (Goleman, 2012). As a kid, I was
very shy and introverted. When I joined the Air Force it was difficult to
crack out of my "shell". However, once I started getting
promoted and put in positions with legitimate power, I realized I needed to
step up to the plate to be the best Non-Commissioned Officer (NCO) and Senior
NCO I could be. My determination allowed
me to overcome obstacles such as my quiet personality.
While I feel that I have
a pretty good grasp on Emotional Intelligence and I have definitely improved, I
also understand that I have many things to learn in this area and that this is
something that requires my attention every day. For example, sometimes instead of addressing problems, I avoid
them. This avoidance obviously does not help my ability to be social and
develop my skills.
Big Think. (2012, April 23). Daniel Goleman Introduces Emotional Intelligence | Big Think. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU.
Goleman, D. (2007) Daniel Goleman introduces emotional intelligence. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU
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