Saturday, November 23, 2019

A632.6.3.RB - The High Cost of Conflict

As you have read, much of Levine’s work depends upon having a keenly developed ability to listen. Often, we are so busy developing our own stories, we fail to listen actively to that which we are being told, intent only on verbalizing our own personal stories. Think about the last time you “really listened” to someone else and gave them time to “get their story out.” How different was that experience from your normal communications? What did you learn? Record your experiences in this RB. If you are unable to recall such a situation, find a time/place this week to practice active listening and report on that.

This weeks reading was very insightful and brought to mind my childhood interactions with my family.  My mother would blame it on being an "emotional Italian" woman but I vividly remember several conversations (turned into debates/fights) where my family failed to listen to each other.  Yelling in my house was the 'norm' as was talking over and interrupting each other.  None of us listened to one another.  As the "quiet one" I listened better than the rest of my family but realized the dysfunctionality.  I understood the importance of listening and clear communication.  



As an adult, I have taken many communication classes and read books on the topic to learn normal communications and have learned a great deal.  I do not allow my children to interrupt or talk over each other. I feel this makes our relationships stronger.  At work, when someone is talking I make a point to turn away from my computer and focus on the person.  A few years ago, I realized even though I had an open door policy people would come in to talk and I would talk but also be working on the computer at the same time.  Once I changed this habit and made a deliberate effort to "really listen", trust was built and communication strengthened.  

When thinking about giving someone time to "get their story out", I am reminded of my middle son, Hayden.  Whether he is telling a story or explaining why he did something, he has to get his story out.  Even if others already know the ending or he has said it several times, he honestly cannot move on without getting out his story.  I try to remind my self to be patient and let him continue as much as possible or explain why he needs to 'cut to the chase'.  While I love listening to his crazy stories, sometimes life does not allow the time and I have to cut him off.  This truly upsets him so I try not to do that often as I appreciate his openness.  Listening to him allows me to see his point of view on different things.  He is extremely smart and thinks through problems differently than most which challenges me and my husband daily.  
 

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